Before (re)publishing this account I asked Dr. Ronny West if this could be possible. She said that for thousands of years that this state was the goal of tantric sex and deep states of meditation. She said that today this state is more commonly reached with the drug DMT (N, N-dimethyltryptamine). She referred me to the documentary, The Spirit Molecule.
Mystical Sexual Transcendence
(Although this really isn't about sex.)
After reading your information on spiritual sex, I felt I had to write.
This experience has bothered me in a quite beautiful way for a long time.
It happened about ten years ago. I had decided to "unwind" by myself at a resort beside a lake in Switzerland.
After few days a woman checked in and since we were both American and English is a problem with many people there, we started spending time together.
I'd never met a woman who seemed more at ease with herself and the world, and more open.
Her voice was soft and low in pitch. She had quick and genuine smile, and she had a way of looking at you that made you believe she was totally "with you."
As a normally guarded person I found her presence unsettling.
We took a long walk around the lake. After one day I was feeling that I had never been closer to anyone in my life.
I guess I sort of fell in love in a way that I didn't think was possible.
The afternoon it was pouring rain we ended up in my room.
Out of the blue she asked, "Have you ever made love sitting up?"
Normally, if a woman came up with something like that I would be put off, but with Marcia it didn't seem strange.
We pulled the dresser about four feet from the bed and we got between them and put pillows behind our backs.
She sat on pillows facing me. By then we were both nude and she took hold of my erect penis and sort of sat down on it.
We moved around a bit until we were both comfortable.
I started moving my pelvis because that's what you do in sex.
She stopped me and said, "Don't come, just keep your erection; it will be a bridge for the energy."
I didn't know what that meant but this wasn't a time for a lot of questions.
She closed her eyes for a while -- a few minutes -- and I heard her breathing in a very slow and rhythmic way.
Then she opened them and just looked at me in a soft loving way.
She said, "Be totally with the energy that's flowing between us. It's there now, you just have to surrender to it."
The rest sounds like a drug trip, but I know for certain that nothing like that was involved.
She said, "I love you."
That seemed much too sudden. I felt maybe I knew her but at the same time I really didn't know her. Even so, my defenses melted.
I hesitantly said "I love you too."
She said, "Look at me and really feel it; know it."
She had me look deeply at her and say "I love you," over and over."
Suddenly, this scene wasn't sexual at all.
I felt a profound love washing over me.
Several times she said, "Just let go."
All of a sudden in a way I can't describe the divisions between us melted.
There was a kind of quiet explosion and everything around me dropped away and I was everywhere in the universe at the same time.
It was like I was IT -- all there was.
Where I was seemed much more real than anything I had known before -- more real than the reality I had always known.
It scared me and I jumped back.
Again, she said, "Don't be frightened."
There was a kind of love that I had never felt before, but it wasn't focused on just her, it was an overwhelming love for everything, everywhere.
This may sound the strangest of all, but I heard myself singing inside -- singing at the top of my lungs and felt myself wanting to cry with joy.
Afterward, she said, "Nice, wasn't it?"
I didn't need to answer; she could see tears in my eyes and "nice" hardly covered it.
By then the rain had diminished to a light mist and she said, "Let's take a walk around the lake."
I spent the whole time quietly trying to figure out what had happened.
At one point I broke the silence and asked, "What exactly happened back there?"
She said, "For a moment we set ourselves free," she waved her hand around, "from this dream illusion."
Right then I was feeling that I wanted to go back and do it again, but she said, "Just remember what it was like," and then she started talking about other things.
Of course, I wanted to know her telephone numbver, her e-mail, and everything, but in a very kind way she said, "I have someone waiting for me."
I had become very close to her and I felt hurt and rejected. I became silent.
Marcia let me stay in my silence for a while, like she knew exactly what was bothering me. Then she just smiled and said:
I was feeling rejected and said, "But we're not in heaven."
"Didn't Jesus say the kingdom of God is within? Didn't you just experience it?"
My mind was in a dither and I didn't want philosophy right then. I guess I wanted Marcia.
I let my hurt feelings rule me until it was time for her to leave and go home.
Now I know that Marcia was operating on a level far above me.
I could have gained so much just be being around her, observing her, listening to the things she would have said, even in the short time she was there.
Since then, I don't think a day has gone by that I haven't thought about that experience.
The one thing I have been trying to do is be like her -- relaxed, open, unpretentious, loving, quietly happy.
That's a lifetime goal in itself.
Thank you Marcia.
PS: As you might expect, since that day I have spent considerable time trying to find out about that experience.
I've found that it can happen to those who reach a certain spiritual state -- for many people after years of deep mediation.
That's just another thing I should have asked Marcia about.
It would seem that religion has for so long equated sex with an unsavory, fleshly, human drive that it's virtually impossible for most people to accept that under specific circumstances human sexuality can be a catalyst for spiritual experience.
At one point in early history some religious sects understood this.
But they were overcome by aggressive factions with a goal of political and religious dominance and those teachings were suppressed.